Crossovers that should not happen 1
by keithallen
Summary: Beetlejuice visits the Connors.


Crossovers that shouldn't happen #1

TSCC / Betelgeuse

Returning home from her daytime patrol of the area to ensure there were no threats to John, Cameron came in the back door. She noted John sitting on the couch staring at the TV. Her sensors picked up sounds of Sarah in the kitchen. Cameron moved to start the laundry she had collected earlier.

"Cameron, what's that on your shirt?" John asked and got up.

Cameron scanned her shirt. She didn't see anything abnormal.

"On your back," John said and pulled up what looked like a business card that was stuck on her shirt up near her collar. "What the hell?" he asked.

Cameron looked at the card. It made no sense.

 **Call Betelgeuse for all your bio /exorcism needs**  
 **!Sale! Great deals, free meals !**  
 **Say it one, say it twice, third time's a charm.**  
 **Open this up and say it today!**

John chuckled and said, "You got pranked. Some kid stuck that on you."

Cameron tipped her head slightly. "No one approached me John. If someone put this on me, I would have sensed them," she stated.

John paused. She was right. No one got within ten yards of Cameron without her knowing they were there. Yet, somehow, someone did. "You didn't power down or have to reset at any time, did you?" he asked, concerned.

"Negative. I have been fully functional," Cameron replied as she studied the card.

"Something happened," John insisted. "I highly doubt you'd miss someone sticking a card to your shirt."

Cameron cast John a blank stare. "I don't know how this got on me." Studying the card, she found it opened. "There is a poem inside," she said blankly.

"What's it say?" John asked.

Cameron read aloud in her monotone voice.

"Though I know I should be wary  
To a place I venture scary  
Ghostly haunting I turn loose  
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice."

The card in her hand seemed to explode. There was no shock wave or heat, but an extremely rapid expansion filling the air in front of her. John recoiled and threw his arms up over his face as he let out a yelp.

"Babes!"

A grotesque man with wild blond/green hair, a greenish mottled face and wearing a black and white stripped (and dirty) suit now held Cameron as he leered at her. Cameron had no data as to where he'd come from. Classifying him as a threat to John, she quickly pushed him away and drew her 9MM. When she drew up on him, it wasn't a 9mm in her hand, but a handful of worms.

"Babes! For me?" the ugly man said happily. He grabbed a few worms, popped them in his mouth and chewed. One tried to crawl out and a piece of it fell to the floor.

"You let me out and give me lunch. You're the best, Babes!" he said, his voice muffled with a mouth full of worms. He winked and added, "Bugs would be better. Lots more crunch to them." He then grabbed a handful of her ass and squeezed before giving it a pat.

Cameron twitched, her CPU overloading as she was trying to reason out how this person got here, and how her gun had turned into a handful of worms. Where had the worms come from? What happened to her gun? Her logical electronic brain had no answers for how this was happening. Possibilities flashed in her heads up display and were proven to be wrong.

As Cameron stood frozen in place, John had a different reaction, and much louder.

"What the hell! WHO the hell are you?" John yelled as he gaped at the impossible intruder.

The man stepped back from Cameron and was suddenly beside John, arm over John's shoulder. In a low, conspiratorial tone, he said, "Nice body, but not too much upstairs. Perfect woman. Tell ya what, For this job, I'll take her as payment. Deal?"

John tried to shy away from his grasp. "Job?" John asked, completely confused. "What job? Who the hell are you?"

The man straightened his black and white stripped suit and took on a professional aire. "Miss soft butt called me. We make a deal, I do the job for you, then I get my reward."

John looked over at Cameron, who was standing in place twitching. Running over to her he asked, "Cameron? ... Cameron, look at me!"

From behind him, the ugly man said, "Grab a handful of that fine ass and she'll look at you."

John spun to glare at him. "Leave Cameron's ass alone!" he yelled.

Sarah strode out of the kitchen saying, "John what is all the ..." She stopped short upon seeing John glaring at someone in what had to be the most demented Halloween costume she'd ever seen. Cameron was standing still, twitching and holding out her hand that a worm still crawled on. "What's going on here?" she demanded.

"We're in the middle of a negotiation," Betelgeuse announced. "I get the girl, but no one has YET to say what you wanted done."

"You DO NOT get the girl!" John replied heavily. "And no one ever said anything about any job!"

Confused and repulsed by the ugly costume character, Sarah pointed and said, "You, OUT! John, is Tin Miss functioning?"

Betelgeuse slapped John on the shoulder and said, "Yeah, John, take'er for a ride. See if she's functional. If she's good, I get sloppy seconds."

"I said, GET OUT!" Sarah growled at Betelgeuse and pulled her pistol. Or what she thought was her pistol. She drew up holding a rattlesnake in her hand. The snake turned it's head to her and said, "How ya doin?"

Belting out a wailing scream, Sarah dropped the snake and back pedaled into the wall, her eyes wide in fright.

Betelgeuse smiled appreciatively and said, "Ya gotta love the screamers." Sliding over to Cameron as if the floor was ice, he waved a hand in front of her blank face. "Hey, babes! This is fun and all, but why'd ya call me?"

Cameron blinked and turned her blank stare to him. She twitched again.

"What is it you need done?" Betelgeuse asked pointedly. He rapped her head with his knuckles and asked, "Anyone home?"

"WHO ARE YOU?" John yelled.

Betelgeuse grinned at him and said, "I'm the Ghost with the Most. I think your Tin Miss needs winding up." Zipping around behind Cameron, Betelgeuse began feeling her up as he mumbled, "There's gotta be a key hole here someplace..." reaching around, he fondled her breasts.

"STOP THAT!" John yelled and tried to protect Cameron from this ... whatever he was, by holding Cameron tight. "Look, the only thing we need is to get rid of SkyNet!"

Betelgeuse paused. He zipped outside and looked up, then zipped back in and waved a hand as he let out a snort. "It's gone, all done."

"How?" John asked.

"Ya don't believe me, go look. There's no more net in the sky," Betelgeuse stated. "Now, let's take a good look at Tin Miss here..."

"You keep your hands off her!" John yelled and pushed Betelgeuse back. "Sky Net isn't a net in the sky, it's a computer program, you idiot! It is an artificial intelligence program that is going to kill everyone and destroy the world if we don't stop it!" John yelled.

Sarah stayed sitting against the wall, gaping at the scene while she waited to wake up from this nightmare.

The clothes Betelgeuse wore changed into a lab coat. His hair became short and slicked back. He now sported a pair of black, thick framed glasses. Looking at the clipboard that appeared in his hands, he said, "Let's see, There is a very bad computer program that is going to kill all breathers ..." after a brief pause, Betelgeuse's eyes grew wide and popped a few inches out of their sockets, his jaw dropped to the middle of his chest as he let out a girlish piercing scream. Jaw and eyes retracting at the end of his scream, he said, "That would suck, who am I going to terrorize if all the breathers are gone?"

"Can you help us?" John asked.

Tossing the clipboard over his shoulder, Betelgeuse changed his clothes back into the black and white stripped suit. He rolled his head and shoulders around, then casting John a smile, he spread his arms and said, "It's showtime."

John watched more impossible happenings. Betelgeuse waved a hand in the air and beside him a three foot tall vagina appeared to hang in the air. Putting his hands together like he was going to dive into a pool, Betelgeuse dove partway into the floating vagina. His legs kicked around briefly. He then came most of the way back out, then dove in again to his waist. After five more times of this, he pulled out, groaning with his teeth clenched and grumbled, "Come on!" Pulling hard, he suddenly stumbled back holding fist fulls of wire and large circuit boards covered in a slimy substance.

"Ha! There we go!" Betelgeuse announced. Cover in the same slime as the electronics, Betelgeuse spun his head around on his neck fast, flinging buts of the slimy stuff everywhere. His head stopped spinning. He stumbled a bit and muttered, "What a rush." With a half grin, he added, "It didn't wanna come out yet. AI abortion done!"

The floating vagina disappeared. John could not seem to speak or move from watching what just happened. Sarah only stared in disbelief.

Cameron twitched.

"And now!" Betelgeuse said and clapped his hands. He paused and asked, "Johnny boy, you look like you just saw another ghost."

John's mind was buzzing with the incredible impossibility of it all. "I ..." he started, and looked at Cameron who still hadn't moved.

Sliding over to John, Betelgeuse eyed him then Cameron. "Doesn't give ya any, does she, kid?" the ghost said knowingly.

"I ... no!" John said as he flushed brightly from what the ghost was implying. "She's my sister!" he cried, hoping to stop what he feared was coming.

"We'll fix that, besides, incest is best! Let's have some fun," Betelgeuse said with a wink and snapped his fingers as he stepped back.

From nowhere music began to play. John's arm came up toward Cameron on it's own.

John's mouth moved on it's own. He sang, " _Now I've had the time of my life, and I've never felt this way before, I swear, it's the truth, and I only want be with you..._ "

Cameron moved. Raising her arm towards John, she sang, " _And I've had the time of my life..._ "

Sarah watched as in her nightmare, John and Cameron came together singing and began Dirty Dancing together.

Betelgeuse let out a loud, "Yeah, it's party time!"

Unable to control his own body, and scared out of his wits, John danced with Cameron. Despite their singing, he noted her eyes looked just as terrified and lost as he was.

"John," Sarah said in a squeak as she got up from her seat against the wall.

"Hey babes," Betelgeuse said, sliding up to her. "Care to dance?" he asked, then grabbed a handful of her ass.

"My John ... he's dancing with ..."

"Yeah, I know," Betelgeuse said with a sad huff. "Not enough action, I hear ya babes. Let's fix that and give them some encouragement, shall we?"

Sarah felt a breeze. Looking down she saw she was now wearing a brief cheerleader's outfit. In her hands were pom poms. The skirt was very brief. Her arms then began shaking the pompoms by themselves. She had no control over what she was doing. Worse yet this disgusting looking man was wearing the same black and white stripped cheerleader outfit, showing his mottle, hairy body. His belly extended out over his skirt.

Sarah wanted to puke. Or run away. Even fainting would be a blessing.

The music changed to 'Unchained Melody' John and Cameron stopped dancing and held each other tight as they kissed long, deep kisses.

Aghast at what she was seeing and doing, Sarah copied the sickening man's words and cheer leading moves. "Get'er Johnny, get'er Johnny, go go go!" Across the room, John and Cameron were pulling each other's clothes off as they kissed. Cameron got up on a table. Her jeans came off, then she ripped her panties off. John's shirt went flying and his pants ans shorts dropped.

Sarah wanted to scream, to run over and stop them. All she could so was shake her pom poms and continue to cheer them on.

Cameron had lost control of herself. It was like her body wasn't hers any more. All the data she was getting was wrong, nothing made any sense at all. As she sat on the edge of the table and pulled a naked John to her, something changed. She'd found a real point of reference. A point to ground her and hold onto. Holding John tight as he entered her, she was able to begin thinking. That man was here. He arrived after she had read that poem. Logical actions were not working. Therefore she must try the illogical. Reading the poem made him appear. If she recited it backwards, maybe it would make him go away.

Holding John closed as he had sex with her and Sarah and the man cheered them on, Cameron focused and said, "Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse..."

The man stopped cheering and gaped at he with an, "EEEEK!" he then disappeared. The music stopped. Sarah fell to the floor, breathing heavily. John orgasmed.

Now in control of themselves, John whimpered, "Cameron, I'm so sorry! I couldn't stop myself!"

"It's all right, John," Cameron said softly and petted his hair. "You didn't do anything wrong." She kept her tight hold on him and found this sensation to be pleasant. She liked John right where he was, even if he was freaking out over it. "It's all right, John," she assured him again.

The front door opened. Derek walked in, eyeing Sarah's cheerleader's costume. Seeing where she was looking, he followed her gaze to John and Cameron. His jaw dropped in shock. Turning back to Sarah, he asked in a demand, "And you're encouraging this?"

Sarah burst out in tears.

.

Later on, Derek decided it was too weird staying here, and left. Sarah sat in the kitchen, gripping her beer and trying to convince her self this morning didn't really happen. John escaped up to his room to pretend the same thing. He also suffered the shame of knowing he'd raped Cameron.

A knock sounded at his door.

"Come in,"he said, figuring it was his mother coming to lecture him about 'being involved' with Tin Miss.

Cameron opened the door and shut it behind her. Silently, she came over and sat on the bed. John looked away.

"John, are you all right?" Cameron asked.

"No," he stated to the window. "Cameron, I … raped you. I'm far from all right. No one deserves that."

"It wasn't your fault," Cameron replied. "Neither of us were able to control what out bodies were doing."

"Still I did it, and … " he started. Cameron interrupted him.

"John, holding you, I was able to feel something real. I don't know what happened. Nothing was making any sense. Holding you, I got a reference point to focus on. That was the only reason I was able to stop what was happening," Cameron explained.

"I'm a focal point?" John asked and turned to see her looking at him.

"You are my focal point, John. You always have been," Cameron told him. "And do not feel sorry that you had sex with me. If you were in control of yourself, it would have been much better. You could never rape me, John, for I will never deny you." Tipping her head slightly, she added, "I did like you there. I liked holding you and pleasing you so do not feel bad about what we did."

"Cameron," he said softly as he gazed at her.

Cameron grew a tiny smile. "If you ever want to have me, John, I am yours. I am very curious what sex is like if we are performing it willingly." She then got up and walked over to the door. Pausing, she said, "I must check the perimeter. I won't be long."

.

Cameron found the card that had started the morning chaos. She walked out to bury it and saw Derek in the driveway leaning against the hood of his truck. He glared at her.

"Wanna tell me what you did to Sarah and John?" he asked in a growl.

Cameron weighed her options, then held the card out and said, "I received this at the vacant warehouse on the corner of Fifth and Jefferson. I don't know what happened to me there after I read the poem inside. Whoever was there is responsible."

Derek snatched the card from her and growled, "You EVER touch John again, and you're scrap metal!" He then got in his truck and drove away.

Cameron began her perimeter tour wearing a smirk.


End file.
